Looking for love in all the wrong places…. The lyrics to this song couldn’t be more appropriate for the second episode of the Really Personal Podcast. Gabrielle Bergeron is not only a former co-worker, but also a friend that has journeyed with me through the tumultuous, yet entertaining experiences of online dating.
So how do you find love in today’s modern world? We’ve discovered that being as loving as possible to as many people as possible is not only necessary but beneficial in our single lives. The unfortunate thing is that in modern dating, love is usually the absolute last thing we experience. We show people everything but- we show them our games, manipulations, and egos.
But here’s the thing- everything that’s real that is authentic we withhold. We’re afraid of being hurt, rejected, ghosted, or let down. We keep searching for what we want and getting disappointed in not getting it. Feelings of defeat are inevitable because we’re not experiencing love.
So if you want to find love, the thing you must do is to be the one to break that cycle. Make the commitment to be loving as possible to others, to being authentic as much as you can, no matter what others bring to the table. It’s when you make this commitment that you’ll start attracting the people who have also made this commitment in their lives. Now that’s a connection worth waiting for!
Common Issues of Online Dating and How to Fix ’em!
Complaint #1: online dating feels like a part-time job!
Online dating can literally be time-consuming as hell! A helpful tip is to set days and times in your calendars to when you’ll swipe. It could be three days a week for 20 minutes, or 5 minutes every evening. Randomly checking can be a pain!
Complaint #2: you start talking to someone and BAMN, he/she disappears!
Oh I have been here time and time again when I connect with a guy. Conversations are rocking, and then all of sudden, he drops off the face of the universe. Poof! It’s a misfortune, but this is why detaching and calming preliminary excitements before truly getting to know someone is crucial and vital for your well-being. Pivot and set realistic expectations- “they seem cool and nice right now, but I don’t know this person.”
Complaint #3: matching with the wrong kinds of people!
After encountering one narcissists after another, I decided to give my profile a little refresh. My photos captured not just genuine smiles, but a glimpse of an intelligent, no time for bull$hit, kinda gal. If you’re a guy, and you’re wondering why you keep matching with thirsty women, perhaps the shirtless photos need to go. (in fact, please get rid of ’em! Thank you!)
One step further, don’t just throw your IG on your profile and expect to find a great hubby or wifey. Do you want to gate an intelligent person with a great personality? Then show ’em yours!
Complaint #4: profile photos aren’t accurately portraying who they really are!
I have to say that this is tough and obviously comes with the territory of online dating. Many of us have been in a situation when we matched with attractive people only to find out that they completely misrepresented themselves on the first date. It happens to the best of us! This is why it’s important to remember you don’t know someone based on their profile photos.
Complaint #5: the first date sucks!
Completely understandable and relatable. First dates often are not necessarily bad. It is just lacking chemistry. You know from the get-go that this person isn’t for you. and that’s super disappointing and it makes you want to lose all hope and give up. But don’t because sooner or later one of those dates is actually going to be good.
Online dating is a numbers game! The more dates you go on, you’re just strengthening your chances of meeting somebody that you actually connect with. Remember that you’re not alone! Gabby and I have our crazy online dating experiences, and it is through this that the clarity of what we truly desire and hope for is coming soon!