Let it hurt. Let it bleed. Let it heal. And let it go.Nikita Gill, Your Soul is a River
Recovering from a breakup can be difficult, but it’s important to allow yourself to feel your emotions in order to heal. Some tips for recovering include taking care of yourself physically, seeking support from friends and family, engaging in hobbies or activities that bring you joy, and seeking professional help if necessary.
It’s also important to give yourself time and space to grieve the loss of the relationship. Remember that healing is a process and it’s okay to take things one day at a time.
In my recent breakup, just two days after my father’s funeral, it was evident and more beneficial to focus on my own healing rather than waiting for external factors to provide closure.
In the newest episode of the Really Personal Podcast, I spill my feelings during this intentional process to heal, move on and let go of seeking closure from someone who may not be able or willing to provide it. Focusing on self-care and personal growth can help you find your own sense of closure.
How to Be Strong Enough to Let Go and Wise Enough to Wait For What You Deserve
#1: Your peace is golden.
Your mindset is golden, your choices are golden, and it’s the most important thing in the world right now. You are grieving. A breakup or a divorce is grief, and grief is a loss. Your peace is paramount- you need to do what feels right to you to obtain your inner peace, even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else.
#2: Sit down with the facts.
Sit down and write down the facts, no matter how painful they are. 9 times out of 10, when we’re going through a breakup, the rose-tinted glasses come on, and we completely forget all the times we were unhappy, when we wanted to leave, when we were sad, hurt, etc. We tend to put this person on a pedestal- this perfect person that has never done anything wrong. Our brain does this because it desperately wants you back in the comfort zone, and desperately wants to reward the hormone that comes with being back with this person.
So by writing those facts down, as brutal, black and white as they could be, even if it hurts- remind yourself every, single day.
This will help you detox a hell of a lot quicker. Don’t cling to hope, accept the facts, gain acceptance, gain clarity- this all equals healing.
#3: Get some help.
You will need a map. Whether with a therapist or good, reliable friends. Needing some navigation could look like this: finding yourself, moving on, creating new beginnings, starting fresh, growing, surviving, thriving, etc. It’s good to examine the past traumas that you haven’t healed from or things you need to work on for yourself. You’ll continue to be in the same situations unless you heal from these things.
Go full throttle on self-healing, self-care, and self-exploration. It will ultimately lead you to change your life. You need a positive focus- you need this while going through a heartbreak, breakup, or divorce. There is such a thing as a positive distraction.
#4: Do a clean sweep.
Take them off of absolutely everything, and block them. Not because there is necessarily an issue with them, but because you need to heal. Seeing things on their social media is not going to help you heal. Go as far as deleting emails, calendar events, and photos- this is part of detoxing. I even trashed all of my ex’s letters and cards. You’re not erasing this person out of existence. They just no longer hold any space in your life as you’re healing.
#5: Stop looking for closure.
If you’re waiting to fully heal until you get closure from this person or an answer, you’re not going to heal. It’s like clinging onto barbed wire while wondering why you’re bleeding. You can in fact give yourself closure. You can in fact give yourself that peace. Relying on someone who has caused your peace to be disrupted to fix it, is ridiculous! It probably isn’t going to happen. For some people it does, and for some it doesn’t. If it hasn’t happened now, then stop clinging on to it. You are stopping yourself from healing.
#6: Stop taking this so personally.
I know it feels personal. Someone breaks up with us, it feels very personal, and to a degree, it is because we are the person involved in the relationship. But if you have been hurt by this person in any way, betrayed in any way- stop taking it personally.
It breakup doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough. It’s a them problem, not a you problem. They need to lay their head on the pillow at night and deal with what they have done to you or what they have caused, not you. Stop carrying this person’s crappy actions as a jacket on your back that’s making the mountain you’re trying to climb so much harder. You are grieving, you do not need to carry what this person has done on your back. Let them carry it
#7: Let him go, don’t argue, don’t explain, don’t try to prove yourself, and don’t try to fight for your love.
Fully surrender to the experience. It doesn’t mean walking away pretending everything is fine. Your ex has come to the logical solution that we can’t be together. Let them fully process their decision, and live with it. By trying to prove yourself, explain, and beg, you’re not giving them the space to sit with their decision and think about it.
The first mental stage after someone breaks up with you is peace- they feel a sense of relief from pent-up feelings and thoughts. Once they end the relationship, something that has been tossed around in their minds, there’s a peaceful relief once the task is done. It’s not until later once they sit with his decisions that they may start to become curious, which then stems to a possible regret of the decision.
Regardless of the path or what psychological stage they are in after a breakup, you need to let them go. By doing this, there’s this deep trust knowing in yourself that you will be OK, you’re going to move on because if this person truly was meant to be in your life then it will either way. There are no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. In the meantime, while you’re healing your heart, focus on growing and evolving.
In conclusion, YOU deserve someone who is terrified of losing you.