Pain, difficult times, failure, and loss is purification and preparation for personal heroism.
The greatest people on the planet have suffered the most. Your brain is programmed from an early age to protect itself at all costs. Avoiding pain and struggle is the ultimate remedy to protect your body. Essentially, we are programmed to believe that suffering should be avoided.
I’m here to remind you that suffering is not bad. Suffering is good because when we suffer it is also the death of our ego. Pain, difficult times, failure, and loss is purification and preparation for personal heroism. Trauma is not just what happens to you. It’s what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you.
Healing is not about getting rid of the bad in your life. It’s about getting to a point where even if it is bad, you know that you’ll be OK. It’s learning to trust yourself where you lost hope. It’s learning to show yourself compassion in places where you fail.
In the newest episode of the Really Personal Podcast, we dive into finding happiness within yourself, practicing self-care and self-compassion, focusing on positive thoughts and experiences, engaging in activities that bring you joy, connecting with others, and setting meaningful goals for yourself.
It’s also important to acknowledge and process difficult emotions and seek professional help if needed. Remember, happiness is a journey, not a destination, and it’s okay to ask for help along the way.
Give Yourself These Reminders During Hard Times
#1: This too shall pass.
Everything we have, feel, and experience is in a moment of time. It’s not permanent. This can feel sad and scary, but it can also be liberating.
#2: Who you are and what happens to you is not always your fault.
Only you can be ultimately responsible for what happens from here on out. Moving and learning from past mistakes is the only way forward.
#3: You don’t need to be liked by everyone.
It’s not your job to be liked or loved. Rather, it’s your job to be yourself so the wrong people can move on and you can make room for the right people to gravitate towards. Never put your emotional home in someone else. I’m not saying don’t love people. Love them! We were not created to surrender our identity, emotional life, and mental health to others.
#4: Happiness or peace is not something you earn or wait for.
This is a mindful choice you can make each day. Being sad means you’re mentally well. Pain is very centralizing. We have no idea what this pain will look like in a year or 5 years. It’ll be a hazy memory of it being a dark time. But there are moments in your day when you don’t feel so much pain. There are moments when you feel a little lighter.
#5: You wouldn’t plant a seed and then dig it up every few minutes to see if it has grown.
Why do you keep questioning yourself, your hard work, and your decisions? Have patience. Manage that overthinking, and keep watering your seeds.
Ways to Calm Yourself When Life Gets Tough: The Act of Embodying Love
- Walk: It helps to clear your mind and develop different perspectives.
- Indulge: Take time, whether it’s a day or evening to do exactly what you want.
- Be generous: Acts of giving leads to receiving an abundance.
- Go to a cafe: Whether it’s a coffee shop or a farmers market, surround yourself with others, observe, and soak up your surroundings. You don’t have to converse with anyone.
- Educate Yourself: Read more, talk to a spiritual director or therapist, and look up health videos regarding your experiences. Learning is experiencing.
- Organize & Schedule: Create to-do lists, plan your workouts for the week, and make a grocery and meal list before going to bed so you see what you have set for the next day.
- Write down your strengths: List all our strengths. You know them well.
- Move forward: Keep moving forward. Little steps lead you to another place than standing still. If you’re upset, keep moving. Having tears or pain is not a setback. Healing is taking place.
- Hobbies: Take on new hobbies or return to old ones. Enjoy the experiences of these hobbies. A positive distraction is fruitful.
- Prioritize: Decide what’s important for you you now and say no to things or obligations that don’t serve you.
- Sleep: Get 7-9 hours of sleep.
- Laugh: Be silly at times, join some friends for happy hour, watch a comedy show, or have silly engagements with friends.
- Self-talk Matters: Don’t beat yourself or speak negatively of yourself. It doesn’t serve you.
- Journal: It not only helps clear your mind, but you can also dig into underlying traumatic themes, further insights into your experiences, and emotional releases as you pour yourself onto pen and paper.
In order to heal, we have to bring love and compassion to the trauma.