Be in love with your life every minute of it.Jack Kerouac
Achieving your optimal love life is an attainable goal! With strategies like “start romanticizing your life” and the realization that “your potential to succeed is infinite” we can create the life we want for ourselves.
Self-love and self-care are more than getting your nails done or getting a massage, vacating constantly as an escape, taking 10 days off from work, or going on a retail therapy shopping spree. When it really comes down to it, the journey of self-love and self-care is hard. It’s something you have to work at every single day.
In the recent episode of the Really Personal Podcast, I encourage you to start romanticizing your life. You’re literally changing your mindset, which leads to a lifestyle of much-needed and fruitful change. The goal of self-love is not to love yourself so much that you don’t need anyone else to love you. Rather, the goal is to be in such a state of self-love that you attract people who know how to love you. We tend to give 100% of ourselves to someone we love in relationships, and in doing so we neglect to protect, be compassionate, and love the one that matters most- YOURSELF!
It’s incredible how we can lose our sense of individuality. We learn from our past mistakes and relationships and in many ways, we begin to unlearn to derive happiness from giving and emptying ourselves. We can learn how NOT to sacrifice our identity and values.
In regards to failed relationships, aka “heartbreaks,” the best and most suitable approach is a response of gratitude: “Thank you because obviously you and I were not meant to be.” Those who stay are supposed to stay, and those who go are supposed to go.
Rejection is a chisel towards perfection. I think of Michelangelo’s marble statues. Originally a solid block of marble with ridges and imperfect edges. With each chisel, the marble started to come to life. “No” and “rejections” mean new options and the next opportunity.
Tune in and Journal to Mozart’s Requiem
And let me be brutally honest- “heartbreak” it’s a “heart shape.” Nothing can break your heart. Your heart is unbreakable. These difficult experiences that you’re going through are shaping your heart for a relationship that will be long-lasting.
Tough experiences are fine-tuning your life. You have to ask yourself questions, such as: what led you to the situation you were in? Always think of the experiences as heart shaping, heart molding, and heart development.
You will attract into your life what you are, and not what you want. Whether you’re married, in a relationship, or single, you are fully capable of attracting all things that the source is capable of attracting. You will get what you are rather than what you want.
How to Create the Love Life You Deserve
#1: Write a list of your goals.
The million-dollar question is how do you actually change your state of mind? The first step is self-analysis, which means: understanding yourself. A good way to self-understanding is through journaling. The Mary Ann Life Journals and Prompts and Planners are the perfect way to jump-start your writing and meditation practice. With beautiful covers and pages waiting to be filled, the journals are a perfect tool for self-care and reflection.
When listing, keep in mind items that you can work towards this year that are going to help you feel proud of yourself and accomplished. Avoid the “I want, I want, I want” mentality. Stop saying you want things. In doing this, you’re also declaring what you don’t have. Navigate through the hardships, challenges, and obstacles- what can you learn from them? How have you grown from it? Identify where your weak spots are. Identify where your insecurities are and what you want to work on- WRITE THEM DOWN!
To attain a life of love, joy, and meaning, one must start from the inside and where you are. Tap into yourself. Be honest and compassionate with yourself about who you are and what’s going on in your life. Explore a series of journal prompts, inspirational quotes, and exercises that will give you the opportunity to shift your state of mind toward self-discovery and self-love.
#2: Clear up and declutter your social media.
This helps with boosting your self-love. Unfollow any social creators that promote this idea of perfection, or that you constantly compare yourself to. Replace them with educational creators- people that talk about self-growth, self-development, and self-love. So every time you go on social media, you’ll constantly receive new education on how to accept yourself, how to defeat your insecurities, and how to level up as a person. This also links back to the list that we wrote earlier about your weak spots and insecurities. If one of the things you wrote is in regards to feeling insecure about your body, venture on Instagram or TikTok and follow positive influencers that are motivational and relatable.
#3: Give your own love language back to yourself.
The Five Love Languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Not everyone communicates love in the same way, and likewise, people have different ways they prefer to receive love. The concept of love languages was developed by Gary Chapman, Ph.D., in his book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, where he describes these five unique styles of communicating love, categories he distilled from his experience in marriage counseling and linguistics.
In regards to self-love, consider this:
- If your love language is quality time, then take yourself on a solo date.
- If your love language is gift-giving, pick up a bouquet of flowers on your next grocery run, or add your wish item to your cart and check out!
- If your love language is physical touch, book yourself a pedicure, manicure, or massage.
- If your love language it’s words of affirmation, compliment yourself and hype yourself up in front of the mirror.
- If your love language is acts of service, ask a loved one or a friend for a small favor, run all your errands in a cheerful mood, or fold your clothes while dancing to Beyonce!
Once you reach a level of confidence where you can go out and do things alone that you genuinely enjoy spending time with yourself, the love for yourself and your life with grow like crazy. On top of that, you don’t want to sabotage yourself by chasing other people or staying with people who are not good for you for the sake of the company.
#4: Start falling in love with your solitude.
Take yourself on solo dates, such as going to the movie theatre to watch an anticipated movie, trying out the restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, grabbing a cocktail at the bar with a book in hand, visiting the art museum, or reading a good book in a coffee shop. There are infinite possible solo dates to embark on.
One can find solace in being alone. With independence comes confidence. If you feel good completely by yourself and you’re not relying on anybody else, you feel confident. If you LOVE yourself and you find out who you are, you’ll never be alone. Personally, I won’t feel abandoned by God- that’s my spiritual dependency and faith. For you, it may look different.
If you LOVE yourself and see the joy in your life, you’ll also find peace.
#5: You gotta start romanticizing your life.
You have to start believing that your morning commute is cute and fun, that every cup of coffee is the best you’ve ever had, and that even the smallest and most mundane things are exciting and new. You have to start romanticizing your life because that’s when you truly start living the life you desire. This is what you look forward to every day.
When you wake up each morning, take a moment to think about the kind of life you want to have. Consciously choose to have a happy life- one that is filled with love, laughter, good health, and success. Begin your day focused on the things you can do to make this your reality
Your potential to succeed is infinite. Create the life of your dreams because you deserve good things.