Really Personal Podcast

The Ick Factor: Is the Ick the “trait” or the “person”?

The Ick Factor: Is the Ick the “trait” or the “person”? | Really Personal Podcast

Posted by:

Mary Ann Addis

Mary Ann

A music educator who just needed a larger classroom. Let's create, share, connect, and inspire! 

hey y'all

Get My Self-care guide

Gimme that

Easy & delicious recipes for your plates & cocktail glasses!

TOp categories

Not shying away from the deep stuff!

Say YES to new adventures! All aboard!

Cheeky way to be the master of your domain!

Be you, Do you, Love you, For you!


Picture this: you’ve connected with a good-looking person, and during your first few encounters, you begin experiencing rumbles of disgust and confusion. The exit door is near eyesight, and you just can’t wait to break free and away from the date. What the heck just happened?

This, my friend, is no other than the rumbles of the ick! We hear about the ick on social media and TV shows, and it’s not just millennial jargon. Man, woman, or child, we all experience the ick in various forms. Whether it’s an interior signal that triggers alarms of warning or perpetual occurrence in your relationships, we have all experienced feeling “icky” about situations and people.


The Ick Factor: Is the Ick the “trait” or the “person”? | Really Personal Podcast


When it comes to dating and relationships, the ick is a huge indicator to step away and move on. But how do we decipher whether the icks are valid reasons to end a date or even a relationship? And is the ick the person or the trait?

When we get stuck in analyzing the ick, that’s when we know we are up in the mind and in anxiety. It’s not fun to get the ick, especially if you experience relationship anxiety.

I was excited to explore the experiences of the ick with Gabrielle Bergeron and Hinge Honey (my beau!). We not only share a few of our own personal dating icks, but also how to handle icks in loving relationships.

Does our love language inform us why we get the ick? Love Languages show us how we receive love, but they also tell us about how we react to unwanted love. For example, if your love language is Words of Affirmation, and someone you’re not super into starts showering you with compliments, you’re more likely to get the ick than someone who doesn’t value Words of Affirmation as highly as you do.

If someone is giving us this love prematurely, it feels as though they are overstepping a boundary, or worse, manipulating their way into our hearts, hence THE ICK!

How to reduce “the ick” in your loving, healthy relationships


#1: Take a step back!

Always soothe your nervous system before trying to think your way out of the ick. This could be via breath, movement, the five senses, putting on your favorite music, dancing, stretching…etc whatever it is to get yourself out of the mind and back into the body, and into the present moment. The goal of connecting to the present moment is to shift you out of worrying about what it means to experience the ick or adding on a layer of shame about what it says about you.


#2: Trying to see the ick objectively instead of subjectively!

It’s OK to experience moments of turn-offs or even disgust in a loving, healthy relationship. And if we react to those moments with shame or fear, and add this extra layer of meaning that we’re in the wrong relationship or a terrible person, we are going to feel much more anxious.


#3: Use the ick to reconnect with your partner!

The ick is really a form of resistance, and resistance wins when we let it win. When resistance wins, it actually causes us to disconnect or disengage even more from the thing that we are actually trying to reconnect with. In this case, your loving partner. Use the ick as an opportunity to snuggle up or cuddle with your partner and try not to think about how you’re feeling when you do it, just do it!



Recommended Reads Regarding Dating & Relationships

Love Language | Really Personal Podcast

Spring 2022 Books Must Reads Attached










+ show Comments

- Hide Comments

add a comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Journals & Planners

Jump-start your writing and meditation practice along with the perfect way to approach each day with intentions and gratitude.

browse MA shop →


Hey, it's totally cool to be a jack-of-all-trades in this life! I'm on a mission to create, share, connect, and motivate others to live their most fantastic lives. And trust me, the party's just getting started!


Get to know me!


Bingeworthy Shows

Really Personal

Let's Get Real, y'all!

If you're looking to create positive and lasting change in your life, then you'll want to join us on the Really Personal Podcast. Join us on our journey as we share stories of personal growth, self-care and            lessons.

Online Dating Isn’t That Horrible, Right?


You Need to Feel to Heal

Phrase Replacements in Relationships: what works, and what works better

To Live a Creative Life, We Must Choose Curiosity Rather Than Fear

things just got real, y'all



Listen on:

Let's get real, y'all!

The go-to podcast where sugar coatin' and beatin' around the bush isn't allowed!


Listen on:






Steal this!

e-book with 10 glorious recipes

It may not be a hardcover cookbook to collect dust on your kitchen shelf, but it's easily accessible on any screen!