A smart woman knows HOW to love, but an intelligent woman knows WHO to love.
You don’t want to be an independent woman? Say what?! Hear me out: They say the strongest women are independent and self-sufficient, right?
But what if I told you there’s a different way, where dependency is the key to unlocking your true potential in dating and relationships?
The whole rhetoric of independent women comes from our mothers and their mothers. Their deepest desires for the next generation of women are fixated on being entirely independent of men’s societal controls. So as a result, us daughters concluded that we don’t want to rely on any guy/jerk. However, the whole idea of independence isn’t: “I am independent of a jerk.” Rather, it should be: “I’m dependent on an amazing man.”
In the concept of being an independent woman, we always think of it to do with monetary value and a man (ie: “we don’t rely on a man to be financially stable.”) Independently is that we’re not emotionally, physically, and financially dependent on men. Are we supposed to do it ALL on our own? What’s wrong with wanting a partner, someone to share these experiences with?
A lot of times, us women attach our experiences to our accolades. Many of the issues don’t stem from being successful, it’s the fact that sometimes our energy and attitude toward that success are unattractive. The “I don’t need this, I don’t need that, I’m independent, I get my own.”- That’s fine, do you!
However, men want to feel they have a purpose, want to feel desired, loved, appreciated, shared in your experiences, a part of your life, someone who can add to your life, and someone who wants to grow. Men want a partner, not the energy of dismissiveness. We can be go-getters in our workplace, and excel in all divisions, but when it comes to an intimate relationship, we can be more relaxed, and soft, and focus on building a life together.
Being a self-sufficient person who can rely on good and trustworthy people is important. It’s not about being dependent on others, but rather building a support system that can help you in times of need. Being independent can be a great thing, but it’s essential to recognize that we all need help sometimes.
Having a strong network of people to lean on can make life easier and more fulfilling. It’s also important to note that being self-sufficient doesn’t mean you can’t be an independent woman. In fact, being able to take care of yourself and make your own decisions is a crucial part of being a strong and capable person.
Join us on the Really Personal Podcast for a mind-bending discussion on why being an independent woman might not be all it’s cracked up to be.
Attitudes of a Valued Woman
- I refuse to derive my worth from any person, thing, or job.
- I simply cannot say that they were the source of my happiness because these values remain with me.
- A smart woman knows how to love, but an intelligent woman knows WHO to love.
- I am not waiting for someone to save me.
- I’m not going to sit around and wait for the right person to come and treat me right.
- I’m drawing that line between knowing what I’m worth and wanting the whole world to see my worth just because I know my worth.
- I know my worth, I will give myself what I need.
- There’s nothing wrong with needing people.
- I can be a go-getter in my workplace, and excel in all divisions, but when it comes to an intimate relationship, I can be more relaxed, and soft, and focus on building a life together.
- People who really want to be in my life will rise up to meet my standards
A Note to Men When Understanding a Self-Sufficient Woman
- Often times it’s difficult to relinquish the control that has been built and cultivated in this structured, successful life that a woman has in life to a man without the guarantee that he will handle it correctly.
- It’s difficult for women who have sacrificed, built and worked for what they have to not only restructure their minds to let someone else lead but to also simultaneously hand a certain level of control to someone else.
- Men who find themselves with strong, independent women it’s healthy to allow her time to slowly relinquish that to men.
- This will further show her that you’re a man that’s responsible and mature enough to not let that process be an indictment on your manhood.
If he’s a good man, he wants to love you and the desire to love you, he wants to provide and do things for you. When you are overly independent, you are essentially cutting off his ability to show you love. You are choking his ability to feel valued in the relationship. Remember, we’re not meant to be in this world alone.