Boundary Pushers (noun): A person who continues to cross a line or push a limit that you have explicitly and repeatedly expressed.
Boundaries are not hard to discover. Listening and staying in tune with your gut feelings and emotions will help you not only recognize them but also honor them. You can be a kind and caring person even by saying NO!
Often we interpret boundaries as a fence, drawn to keep something out. However, boundaries are set in place to help protects what’s in. Letting someone run all over you is not love- it’s submission. Boundaries serve a vital function of self-respect. Even when you can’t control the surrounding situation, take a step back and know that you can choose where to direct your attention and energy- toward your well-being.
In this episode of the Really Personal Podcast, Gabriel Bergeron, and beloved frequent guest on the podcast, and I dive into our personal struggles and deliverance with upholding boundaries and our dealings with boundary pushers.
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Empowering Mind Shifts When Dealing with Boundary Pushers
#1: I don’t need to anticipate people’s needs.
Doing what’s best for you by speaking up for yourself is not only healthy but highly encouraged. Be your biggest fan, and when dealing with boundary pushers, treat yourself when you uphold your boundaries. You simply cannot control how others will react to your set boundaries. There’s no need to smooth the tension or to protect others from feeling uncomfortable. Naturally, people feel bad or weird when they have crossed a line.
#2: I don’t have to say yes if I want to say no.
What you allow is what will continue. Love and respect yourself enough to set boundaries. In fact, you are teaching others how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept. “No” might make them angry but it will make you free. Your freedom is far more important than your disappointment or anger when boundaries are drawn.
#3: I don’t have to minimize my emotions.
I’ve learned that not speaking on things just to keep the peace is actually a trauma response and caused me more discourse and internal turmoil. There is no need to explicitly explain the reasonings behind the boundaries or apologize. Saying “No” is actually maintaining your personal space, privacy, and well-being.
#4: I don’t need to put others before myself.
You matter the most. Maintaining your boundaries allows for managing the priorities and goals set in your life. Past experiences molds and fortifies our boundaries. We are people of change, and our outlooks in life are evolving. And with that comes limited tolerance to reverting to the person we used to be. Reintroduce yourself by walking on a path of purpose and conviction.
#5: I don’t have to explain myself.
Every person has a story, and it’s a personal one. There’s no need to explain yourself to people who simply don’t care. Learn to be OK with people not knowing your side of the story. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone.
#6: I don’t need to feel bad, guilty, or apologize.
If someone throws a fit or a tantrum because you set boundaries, only affirms that the boundaries are needed. A person who has mastered the art of gaslighting will effortlessly instill guilt, and often, leave you to second guess your boundaries. Will you feel uncomfortable when setting boundaries? ABSOLUTELY! There’s no need of apologizing when you’re not in the wrong.
In the end, setting boundaries is your sole responsibility. People will continue to do what you allow and permit. Decide what is and what isn’t allowed in your life.