The most recent podcast episode on dating red flags, which if you haven’t listened to yet, I highly recommend it for all of your dating and relationship needs, sparked my memory of my people pleasing days.
You might think you know what people-pleasing is, but let’s examine it closely: it’s not just about pleasing another person, it’s about perceiving your self-worth based on the reactions of other people towards you. You overdo things because rejection is a traumatic response that arises from your psyche, your inner self.
However, pleasing people includes attachment to praise, appreciation, and gratitude, which causes great despair when our efforts to please are rejected or received with indifference. Further, pleasing people becomes a problem when we bestow love on someone who is undeserving or is manipulative for selfish motives.
It goes without saying that in order to discuss people-pleasing, we also need to touch on the topic of self-manipulation: when you manipulate yourself, you’re responsible for your own despair.
Now here’s an alternative to this narrative: you are not responsible for other people’s emotions.
You are not responsible for other people’s emotions.
Tips To Help People Pleasers
#1: Saying No!
If you’re having a hard time saying “no” to people, try saying this instead: “Let me think about it” or “I’ll get back to you on this later.” This will buy you time to make a decision rather than feeling pressured on the spot. Surprisingly, people will actually respect you for saying this. Most of all, you will feel so glad you took the time to respond later.
#2: Stop Apologizing All the Time!
This will automatically make you seem like a people-pleaser especially if you’re apologizing for something that isn’t even your fault. When you put the blame on yourself it automatically takes your power away. Cut out the sorry’s and it’ll make a huge difference.
#3: People Really Don’t Care Much About What You Do!
It’s easy to feel how you are affecting others around you, but everyone has their own pressing, personal worries. Let this concept take the pressure off of pleasing others. Otherwise, you’ll feel exhausted. Rule of thumb, prioritize yourself first!
#4: Start Being Decisive Even If It’s Small!
For instance, if a friend asks what restaurant you want to go to, express what you would like. Avoid saying “whatever you want!” If you’re too agreeable then you’ll lose your sense of self, and unfortunately, people will take advantage of it.
You know, having the courage and the clarity to just be yourself, that’s what it means to truly live freely and wonderfully!