You’ll find love when you’re not looking for it is the cliche that fundamentally frustrates us because we cannot help but look for love. If we were not looking for it, we would not want it, but when we look for it, we cannot find it. It is a paradox.
It is a safe bet that every human being has been frustrated and heartbroken in their search for love, and a time comes when we reach a breaking point when we suddenly demand answers to our ill-fated quest for love. I for one reached this point after a recent breakup, and, in my heart, I cried out: Why am I attracted to narcissistic men who are impervious to my feelings? Enough was enough, and I decided that I would rather be alone than to share my time with a corrosive romantic partner.
Then, while casually browsing TikTok, I was awakened to a new perspective when I came across a video about Lisa Nicks-Balthasar’s unorthodox search of a soulmate in her book Believe!: A Woman’s Odyssey, Tragic to Magic. She begins by sharing her love for a man who was her high school sweetheart, who actually was born on the same day as she. Without a doubt, she regarded him as her soulmate, but unfortunately, he suddenly died, turning Lisa’s world completely upside down, spiraling her into depression and despair. She thought he was her true love, and now that he was gone, she believed that she wouldn’t find love again.
After some time of sadness and loneliness, she began healing and opening herself up to love again. She came up with the idea to begin her journey by writing down 100 traits of a man that would be ideal for her. To her own amusement, she added: speaks French fluently to her list, not taking herself seriously. Who would, right! Somehow, in some magical way she met her next husband, who comprised all the traits of her list, including speaking French fluently.
For those in search of a high-quality person with whom love will take root, I encourage you to grab a journal, open a Google Doc, or even a notepad on your phone, and write down 100 traits that you would like to see in your next partner. Obviously, steer clear from specifics such as the next top model billionaire who drives a Land Rover with a mole on the left wrist. It’s the harmonious balance of being as specific as possible but to a reasonable degree, such as kind-hearted, enjoys the great outdoors, loves to travel, trustworthy, etc. Ask yourself questions such as: What are qualities that bring me joy? What qualities in a partner give me comfort and hope?
The playwright Bernard Shaw said: Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” Therefore, to defy his dictum, I will share my list of 100 essential traits of my ideal partner:
Mary Ann’s 100 Soulmate Traits
- Kind (not egotistical & not narcissistic)
- Charitable & thinks of others
- Faithful, commits, & trustworthy
- Over 5’11 tall (preferible 6’0)
- Athletic, stays in shape
- Open minded, open hearted
- Willing to have sex after marriage- doesn’t pressure, ask constantly, & even practices self-control
- Great & beautiful smile (straight teeth!) 😬
- British, Welsh, Scottish, Irish, or Aussie accent (this can be negotiable!) 🥸
- Intelligent, likes to read & watch documentaries
- Creative & appreciates the arts 🎨
- Supportive & encouraging
- Likes driving sports or old cars 🚗
- Dances or at least makes an attempt 🕺🏼
- Dresses well, especially in a suit with brown shoes & colorful socks
- Catholic or Jewish (whose family are OK marrying in the church)
- We can pray together, even meals 🙏🏼
- God is first in his life
- Loves kids & wants ‘em
- Enjoys traveling ✈️
- Financially stable 🤑
- College degree- if not, a very good job or started a non-profit
- Opens the car doors (any doors!)
- Asks me to cook specific meals, or gets excited when I cook 👩🏼🍳
- Doesn’t manipulate or play mind games
- Colored eyes (blue, green, light brownish, etc)
- Enjoys operas, symphonies, plays, etc. 🎭
- Will go to a Coldplay or Mumford concert 🎫
- Not inhibited to challenge me
- Romantic 💘
- Lives in love, lives in God
- Supportive of the blog & wants to be a part Mary Ann Life 😍
- A Democrat/Liberal
- Has a strong moral compass
- Doesn’t judge others
- He stares with attention while listening
- Keeps his nails trimmed. Nice feet. 🦶🏼
- Doesn’t easily get angry & selfless
- Will help dye my hair & wear facial masks (treat yo ‘self!)
- Plays funny pranks on me & records ‘em
- Able to carry conversations with strangers, friends, & family
- Helps me fix things around the house (or at least tries… and is not afraid of mice because I am! 🐭)
- Not afraid to get his hands dirty
- Likes sports but isn’t so obsessed to where he watches ‘em all weekend every weekend
- Workouts, runs, or walks with me at Memorial Park 🏋🏼♀️
- Caresses my hand while sitting next to me
- Winks at me from time to time 😉
- Places his hand on my leg while driving
- Calls or messages my father.
- Surrounds himself with good people
- Lives inside the Loop of Houston!
- Loves dogs, or even better, has one or two 🐶
- Puts his hand on my lower back to gentle guide me while walking
- Can grow facial hair well, and I mean really well! 🥸
- Holds me while sleeping 💤
- Calls me daily 📲
- Sends morning & goodnight messages
- A foodie & likes trying different restaurants & food 🍱
- Enjoys movies 🍿
- European, Latin America, or South American decent
- Tells great stories
- Takes care of himself spiritually, mentally, & physically
- Likes listening to music 🎧
- Attends singing events/performances when I sing
- Doesn’t hold back tears 😢
- Calls me dear, love, hun, sweetie, etc. (not babe 👎🏼). Lets me call him baby!
- Not so confined to routines
- Makes me laugh until I cry 😂
- Teases me. Doesn’t raise his voice.
- Not critical of everything I do, say, make, or sing
- Thoroughly enjoys hearing me sing, & asks me to sing privately
- Gives great advice
- Watches TikTok videos (or even better, be in a TikTok video with me!)
- Uses his hands when speaking
- Watches TV shows like Seinfeld, The Office, Parks & Rec. etc 🎬
- Good & sweet kisser 😘
- Doesn’t have a wandering eye
- Wants to do things with me, even small things
- Not always asking for space to be with the guys
- Photogenic, takes good photos 📸
- His eyes are the windows to his soul- BEAUTIFUL!
- Speaks another language fluently
- Visits & stays with my family in Colombia 🇨🇴
- Mindful of a balanced life
- Creative with dates, & makes it a priority in the relationship
- Strong hands, with some veins
- Helps others & volunteers
- Will stand up against just cause like BLM, etc.
- Likes the beach, outdoors, but also museums 🏝
- Accepts my gifts with appreciation & enthusiasm 🎁
- Will hold me, kiss my forehead & hand- any reason to touch me & be affectionate (proud of me) 🥰
- Picks up things from the grocery store, will bring food if sick, comes to my aid if I need any assistance or help
- Does things out of the kindness of his heart, not to get something in return
- Likes wine, beer, & cocktails 🍻
- Lose the concept of time when talking together. Can talk for hours!
- Ask questions, listens tentatively, & shares
- Has a good relationship with his family. Comes from a large family. 👩❤️💋👨
- Picks up the bill, but I cook lavish meals
- Helps me to be a better person!
Who would have thought that identifying 100 qualities in a soulmate would be so challenging! When I approached number 30, I was like, “Whoa, 70 more to go!” I told myself: “Be amazed! Awaken your inner joy! Let yourself go! There are no limits to your list!” When I faced writer’s block, I reflected on people in my life that I admired (even ones who were married to my friends!)
My journey towards discovering my great love started with these 100 traits. Do I expect the man to possess all 100? Absolutely not! Did the list provide a clearer vision of what I desire? YES! The list of desired qualities is a foundation that reminds us of who we need, who we deserve, and who we are looking for.
Your next soulmate just may be a list away! I have a feeling that when the right one comes along, your soul will instantly recognize him or her.
Add to Your Bookshelf!
Paradoxical dating advice has evolved from generation to generation, often complicating the pursuit of love. The constant need to play the game skillfully convinces us that with each strategic chess move, we may achieve the ultimate prize– a relationship. However, is it necessary to be confined to playing such dating games? Can the cards stack […]
Breakups are always very difficult, especially when its sudden eruption shakes you at your very core. Emotions of frustration, confusion, and sadness converge together, enveloped to feel the ultimate feeling of disappointment. All too many people can relate to feeling disappointed in others. Why do others have the upper hand to create such deep […]
You’ll find love when you’re not looking for it is the cliche that fundamentally frustrates us because we cannot help but look for love. If we were not looking for it, we would not want it, but when we look for it, we cannot find it. It is a paradox. It is a safe […]