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Oh, There You Are! I’ve Been Looking For You

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Mary Ann Addis

Mary Ann

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You’ll find love when you’re not looking for it is the cliche that fundamentally frustrates us because we cannot help but look for love. If we were not looking for it, we would not want it, but when we look for it, we cannot find it. It is a paradox.


It is a safe bet that every human being has been frustrated and heartbroken in their search for love, and a time comes when we reach a breaking point when we suddenly demand answers to our ill-fated quest for love. I for one reached this point after a recent breakup, and, in my heart, I cried out: Why am I attracted to narcissistic men who are impervious to my feelings? Enough was enough, and I decided that I would rather be alone than to share my time with a corrosive romantic partner.



Then, while casually browsing TikTok, I was awakened to a new perspective when I came across a video about Lisa Nicks-Balthasar’s unorthodox search of a soulmate in her book Believe!: A Woman’s Odyssey, Tragic to Magic. She begins by sharing her love for a man who was her high school sweetheart, who actually was born on the same day as she. Without a doubt, she regarded him as her soulmate, but unfortunately, he suddenly died, turning Lisa’s world completely upside down, spiraling her into depression and despair. She thought he was her true love, and now that he was gone, she believed that she wouldn’t find love again.


After some time of sadness and loneliness, she began healing and opening herself up to love again. She came up with the idea to begin her journey by writing down 100 traits of a man that would be ideal for her. To her own amusement, she added: speaks French fluently to her list, not taking herself seriously. Who would, right! Somehow, in some magical way she met her next husband, who comprised all the traits of her list, including speaking French fluently. 



For those in search of a high-quality person with whom love will take root, I encourage you to grab a journal, open a Google Doc, or even a notepad on your phone, and write down 100 traits that you would like to see in your next partner. Obviously, steer clear from specifics such as the next top model billionaire who drives a Land Rover with a mole on the left wrist. It’s the harmonious balance of being as specific as possible but to a reasonable degree, such as kind-hearted, enjoys the great outdoors, loves to travel, trustworthy, etc. Ask yourself questions such as: What are qualities that bring me joy? What qualities in a partner give me comfort and hope? 


The playwright Bernard Shaw said: Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.” Therefore, to defy his dictum, I will share my list of 100 essential traits of my ideal partner: 


Mary Ann’s 100 Soulmate Traits

  1. Kind (not egotistical & not narcissistic)
  2. Charitable & thinks of others
  3. Faithful, commits, & trustworthy 
  4. Over 5’11 tall (preferible 6’0)
  5. Athletic, stays in shape 
  6. Open minded, open hearted
  7. Willing to have sex after marriage- doesn’t pressure, ask constantly, & even practices self-control
  8. Great & beautiful smile (straight teeth!) 😬
  9. British, Welsh, Scottish, Irish, or Aussie accent (this can be negotiable!) 🥸
  10.  Intelligent, likes to read & watch documentaries
  11.  Creative & appreciates the arts 🎨
  12.  Supportive & encouraging
  13.  Likes driving sports or old cars 🚗
  14.  Dances or at least makes an attempt 🕺🏼
  15.  Dresses well, especially in a suit with brown shoes & colorful socks 
  16.  Catholic or Jewish (whose family are OK marrying in the church)
  17.  We can pray together, even meals 🙏🏼
  18.  God is first in his life
  19.  Loves kids & wants ‘em
  20.  Enjoys traveling ✈️
  21.  Financially stable 🤑
  22.  College degree- if not, a very good job or started a non-profit
  23.  Opens the car doors (any doors!)
  24.  Asks me to cook specific meals, or gets excited when I cook 👩🏼‍🍳
  25.  Doesn’t manipulate or play mind games 
  26.  Colored eyes (blue, green, light brownish, etc)
  27.  Enjoys operas, symphonies, plays, etc. 🎭
  28.  Will go to a Coldplay or Mumford concert 🎫
  29.  Not inhibited to challenge me
  30.  Romantic 💘
  31.  Lives in love, lives in God
  32.  Supportive of the blog & wants to be a part Mary Ann Life 😍
  33.  A Democrat/Liberal
  34.  Has a strong moral compass
  35.  Doesn’t judge others
  36.  He stares with attention while listening 
  37.  Keeps his nails trimmed. Nice feet. 🦶🏼
  38.  Doesn’t easily get angry & selfless 
  39.  Will help dye my hair & wear facial masks (treat yo ‘self!)
  40.  Plays funny pranks on me & records ‘em
  41.  Able to carry conversations with strangers, friends, & family
  42.  Helps me fix things around the house (or at least tries… and is not afraid of mice because I am! 🐭)
  43.  Not afraid to get his hands dirty 
  44.  Likes sports but isn’t so obsessed to where he watches ‘em all weekend every weekend
  45.  Workouts, runs, or walks with me at Memorial Park 🏋🏼‍♀️
  46.  Caresses my hand while sitting next to me
  47.  Winks at me from time to time 😉
  48.  Places his hand on my leg while driving
  49.  Calls or messages my father. 
  50.  Surrounds himself with good people
  51.  Lives inside the Loop of Houston!
  52.  Loves dogs, or even better, has one or two 🐶
  53.  Puts his hand on my lower back to gentle guide me while walking
  54.  Can grow facial hair well, and I mean really well! 🥸
  55.  Holds me while sleeping 💤
  56.  Calls me daily 📲
  57.  Sends morning & goodnight messages
  58.  A foodie & likes trying different restaurants & food 🍱
  59.  Enjoys movies 🍿
  60.  European, Latin America, or South American decent 
  61.  Tells great stories
  62.  Takes care of himself spiritually, mentally, & physically 
  63.  Likes listening to music 🎧
  64.  Attends singing events/performances when I sing
  65.  Doesn’t hold back tears 😢
  66.  Calls me dear, love, hun, sweetie, etc. (not babe 👎🏼). Lets me call him baby!
  67.  Not so confined to routines
  68.  Makes me laugh until I cry 😂
  69.  Teases me. Doesn’t raise his voice. 
  70.  Not critical of everything I do, say, make, or sing
  71.  Communicative
  72.  Thoroughly enjoys hearing me sing, & asks me to sing privately
  73.  Gives great advice 
  74.  Watches TikTok videos (or even better, be in a TikTok video with me!)
  75.  Uses his hands when speaking 
  76.  Watches TV shows like Seinfeld, The Office, Parks & Rec. etc 🎬
  77.  Good & sweet kisser 😘
  78.  Doesn’t have a wandering eye
  79.  Wants to do things with me, even small things 
  80.  Not always asking for space to be with the guys
  81.  Photogenic, takes good photos 📸
  82.  His eyes are the windows to his soul- BEAUTIFUL! 
  83.  Speaks another language fluently
  84.  Visits & stays with my family in Colombia 🇨🇴
  85.  Mindful of a balanced life
  86.  Creative with dates, & makes it a priority in the relationship 
  87.  Strong hands, with some veins
  88.  Helps others & volunteers
  89.  Will stand up against just cause like BLM, etc. 
  90.  Likes the beach, outdoors, but also museums 🏝
  91.  Accepts my gifts with appreciation & enthusiasm 🎁
  92.  Will hold me, kiss my forehead & hand- any reason to touch me & be affectionate (proud of me) 🥰
  93.  Picks up things from the grocery store, will bring food if sick, comes to my aid if I need any assistance or help 
  94.  Does things out of the kindness of his heart, not to get something in return 
  95.  Likes wine, beer, & cocktails 🍻
  96.  Lose the concept of time when talking together. Can talk for hours! 
  97.  Ask questions, listens tentatively, & shares
  98.  Has a good relationship with his family. Comes from a large family. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨
  99.  Picks up the bill, but I cook lavish meals 
  100. Helps me to be a better person!


Who would have thought that identifying 100 qualities in a soulmate would be so challenging! When I approached number 30, I was like, “Whoa, 70 more to go!” I told myself: “Be amazed! Awaken your inner joy! Let yourself go! There are no limits to your list!” When I faced writer’s block, I reflected on people in my life that I admired (even ones who were married to my friends!)   


My journey towards discovering my great love started with these 100 traits. Do I expect the man to possess all 100? Absolutely not! Did the list provide a clearer vision of what I desire? YES! The list of desired qualities is a foundation that reminds us of who we need, who we deserve, and who we are looking for. 


Your next soulmate just may be a list away! I have a feeling that when the right one comes along, your soul will instantly recognize him or her. 



Add to Your Bookshelf!


Break Free From Dating Myths

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Let’s Cut the Crap of “It’s Not You, It’s Me”

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Oh, There You Are! I’ve Been Looking For You

You’ll find love when you’re not looking for it is the cliche that fundamentally frustrates us because we cannot help but look for love. If we were not looking for it, we would not want it, but when we look for it, we cannot find it. It is a paradox.   It is a safe […]

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