That’s why healthy relationships are difficult for wounded people. We break the cycle of trauma when we decide that our past relationships don’t get to control our future ones.
Embrace the part of you that says, ‘Never Again!’ When ‘triggers’ hit, remember your past experiences aren’t your identity. They’re your greatest teachers. Continue to learn, trust yourself, and foster a growth mindset. Making changes can feel daunting, but taking action is the first step towards a brighter future where the past is no longer your dictator.
Processing and navigating the past, whether past relationships, jobs, or businesses is not strictly a 5 step plan that yields to the deliverance of regret, pain, and trauma. Trauma affects all of us at different points in life and they are universally hard.
As a reminder, all of our emotions, fears, and doubts are part of the human experience. We can’t run from them, compartmentalize, or rationalize them into insignificance. We interpret our emotions of sadness, regret, and grief as failures. But they really are not. They can become, if you allow them to be, powerful tools. So powerful that you can declare, “never again!”
We’ll dive into understanding your ‘triggers’, forming healthier ‘relationships’, and learning from ‘past experiences’ without letting them blindside your future. Gear up to ‘trust yourself’, shift your ‘mindset’, and embrace ‘growth’ whilst ‘making changes’ and ‘taking action’. It’s time to break free from the chains of your past and seize control of your life’s narrative. So, are you ready to stop letting your past dictate your future? Tune into the latest episode on the Really Personal Podcast.
How to Find “Never Again” From Past Trauma
#1: Address it.
Get a piece of paper or a journal, and write WHO HURT ME, and list any names that come to mind. It doesn’t matter if you’re still in contact with this person, felt you moved past it, or it happened a long time ago. If they come to mind, write their names down. Often we are in denial of our lack of healing. Taking action to address it, speaks volumes and will lead to delivering ourselves from the trauma that we were holding onto.
#2: It’s a process that doesn’t have to be rushed.
We will never be fully healed or mentally perfect as human beings, and that’s OK. We can have an awesome, full life of healthy relationships, success, fulfillment, and joy while working on healing. We are always going to be in process. So be kind, gentle, and patient with yourself and the pace at which you’re healing. Just focus on letting some air out a little at a time.
#3: Accept that things did not work out as you had hoped.
Reflecting on the past without the same level of hurt and anger is monumental, and should be a goal. Even if you’re not as far as you have hoped on your healing journey, you’ll experience moments of peace. You wouldn’t be where you are now, be the person you are now if wasn’t for those life-altering moments and experiences. Learn from them. Release hate from them. Discover what is your “never again.
#4: Be thankful
It’s a monumental occasion to learn a very valuable lesson in life. And we still have much more to learn and experience. That part of you that says, “never again,” is essentially protecting you from the pain and trauma you felt in the past. When you learn something new in life or gain a new perspective or a new life tool, thank yourself. How can you start thanking yourself for saying “never again?” Your future needs you, not your past.
#5: Being integris
People leave traces of who they are, and I was just not picking up the signs. Let’s be real, no one ever does anything once. When someone did something hurtful or I witnessed wrongdoings, if you tried to address it, you would receive lame reasons or justifications. Even to someone saying how much trauma he experienced in his younger years. If the response was, “Oh that was a one-time situation. That’s now who I am,” I would be them wholeheartedly because again I give everything, especially relationships, my all.
What I’ve learned after witnessing repeated and hurtful behaviors is that people have patterns: if they did something bad, they’ve done it before. If they are not committed, they’ve done it before. If they are fearful of taking the next steps, they’ve done it before. And on top of that, I’ve learned that they will keep doing it. So what was my “never again?”- when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
When ‘triggers’ hit, remember your past experiences aren’t your identity. They’re your greatest teachers. Continue to learn, trust yourself, and foster a growth mindset.